My Dearest Diary,
Danger, Diary, danger!
The Slum Witches were terrified! We’d spent hours in some demon house being accosted by apparitions that came and went! They attacked our minds Diary! Only thoughts of you, and my immensely developed mental fortitude, kept me from succumbing to the terror.
Our team had reached the top of this three story haunted manor and Dain had found a secret passage into the bowels of this horror mansion. And so we crept down, determined in our mission to retrieve a powerful artifact.
Things only got worse, Diary. No longer a haunted house, we instead found ourselves in an occultist crypt! The Durst family, the previous owners, were clearly involved with some nefarious business. We set out scouting in our usual formation. Dain set forward on foot, Celeste took control of Mort, Kat set her perceptions to work to detect any ambush. I heroically posed to ensure that no onlookers might mistake the mighty Slum Witches for some common rabble, and to keep group morale high.
Less than a minute Diary! Dain found trouble fast, opening a coffin containing bugs! Terrifying Diary, truly! Huge bugs, I mean. They were centipede-like. With pincers! They were the size of an arm, Diary! And tens, no, hundreds, wait, thousands of them! Yes, Diary, terrifying indeed. For any normal people deadly, but for us, only a small challenge. And so we slew the mighty bugs, I’m sure it’s a battle bards would sing about for ages had it been seen.
After that Celeste kept to her Mort scouting, ensuring us that there was nothing of concern creeping upon us from behind. We kept moving forward, and saw terrible sights, Diary. I won’t upset you with the details, but there was a lot of death in this please. Only the most valiant heroes could have gotten through it.
In the midst this horror, we then found another foul and deadly creature. A dog! Yes, Diary, this was definitely very scary, first bugs and now a dog. The thing was grotesque, Diary, it was all skin and bones. Grotesque and very deadly. It attacked us, and it took all four of us to put it down! Yet another fierce battle, Diary, that our elite team put to rest.
It only gets worse from here Diary, I can stop if you can take no more. You can? Oh. Well don’t say I didn’t warn you.
I apologise if I make you regret continuing Diary, because here was one of the foulest creatures we came across. As we prepared to follow sounds further into the crypt, Celeste backed into yet another ghast. If not for your immense fortitude I’d tremble to mention it, for fear of you going insane just hearing of this terrifying being. Our adversary this time was a door, Diary.
Of course it was scary, Diary. We were in a crypt! How can you not shudder at the mention of these terrifying creatures? The door nearly bested us, Diary. Celeste nearly fell to it, only her raw strength tearing her away from its grip. Our party sprung to action. Arrows, fire, hammer, and claw all came raining upon this door, tearing it to shreds. A mighty adventure indeed, Diary, with many deadly foes!
You need not put a brave face on for me, Diary! It’s okay to cower!
We gathered ourselves. Considering if this was too much for us, we had been at this for some time, Diary, and this ordeal may yet have broken us. But we were heroes, and we couldn’t be broken, Diary. We marched onwards, for the good people everywhere. Sounds were coming from the room in front of us, and we cautiously approached, not knowing what would befoul us next.
Creak, Diary, Creak. Rhythmic, like ancient planks soaking in a midnight fog. Creak, we crept closer, creak. My heart was in my throat as we rounded the corner into a bedroom. Creak, creak, creak, the pitch and tempo changed ever so slightly, as if responding to our approach. The group surrounded the thing, the loud creak unfaltering! And looked forward at a creature born of nightmares…
We positioned ourselves and readied a pre-emptive attack on… a bed! Oh, Diary, this terrifying bed!
Well if you’re so brave, maybe you should wander into a dungeon next time, Diary. You could at least humor me, your disinterest cuts deep Diary. The bugs, dog, door, and bed were all gut wrenchingly horrifying and definitely would’ve killed anyone even slightly less adept than us!
Ok, well fine, maybe the bed wasn’t very scary. I’ll drop the dramatics and just tell you the story for completeness then.
So we walked up to the bed and positioned ourselves. Drawing back the covers we found some people having sex. Right you are Diary, not scary, like I said I dropped the theatrics. I’d actually recognised the gentleman from the painting we’d seen earlier, it was Mr Durst. Presumably with Mrs Durst, but who could tell it was so dark, plus their torso flesh was covered in stale blood and welded like molten wax.
The creak we’d heard earlier now accompanied by a wet slap as their exposed and bloody appendages beat upon each other. They turned to face me, the sinew in their bony necks splitting apart; a clear look of embarrassment across each of their deformed faces, as evidenced by a look in their rotted, milky white eyes and sheepish black-green toothed, ear to ear crooked smile. Their bones collectively snapped as they rose to full posture, exposing a mutilated open stomach cavity covered in puss oozing, hairy warts.
I know it seems a bit silly at this point, but we were still scared Diary. Hah! Really now that you’ve pointed it out I’m not sure why it seemed so bad. We ran anyway, and it fell (with an explosion of puss, bone fragments, and other gore) into a spike trap we’d uncovered earlier.
Finally, we headed downstairs to where the artifact was. Passing under a portcullis through dirty water filled with garbage and corpses, we spotted it. Celeste went to grab it, but suddenly we saw yet another creature. Hah, yes another that we were scared of at the time but was ultimately harmless. The thing appeared in the back corner, a red heap of gelatinous meat adorned with an assortment of yellowed disembodied teeth and faces set into agonizing grimaces. We readied to fight, yes Diary I’m using the term loosely at this point, this likely harmless mass as Dain jumped straight in.
We heard fleshy grating and splintered bones rubbing as the mass shrunk down, leaving only Dain standing in its place. We were shocked at the time and didn’t feel like we had the time to spare, so Celeste wrapped up the artifact and we ran away.
Apologies Diary, I promise I’ll have a more interesting story for you next time. I didn’t mean to bore you!
In fact, upon our return Celeste gave the artifact to Simon (some strange, old wizard friend of hers), and we met with Jayce to be taken to meet with the Chef. On the way to visit I felt the imp and decided to get some payback for his trickery with the Clickerman. I grabbed tight hold of it and forced him to tell me he was working for a master. I relayed a message that I was no toy, ensuring to put him in his place. No demon will take me from you, Diary!
Finally, we were lead into the Chef’s lair. A path fraught with traps, and ending at a huge throne room layered in chains, an old man sitting at its center. Truly this will make for an interesting story next time, Diary. I’ll be sure to regale you and win back your respect! Until then send me your prayers and I’ll think of you always.
Lord Angelo Ashenglow,
The Enlightened Saviour